The meek shall inherit the earth-
Baseball was my life growing up. I spent long hours as a kid practicing the game and honing my skills. I loved every minute of it and I was good. The only thing diverting my attention from baseball was the football season. Baseball and football, that’s all there was. Where I grew up if you played another sport aside from baseball or football you were either really good at basketball, or you were a shitty athlete. Baseball and football players were the cool kids, the jocks, the big men on campus, and I was one of them. We were the Alpha Beta’s and everyone else was a Tri Lam. Soccer was for kids with lemonade stands, volleyball for pretty boys with frosted tips, band was for the super geeks, and don’t get me started on male dancers or tennis players. As I grew older and especially as I roam the world oh how I wish I had any of these damn skills, as I realize I can’t find one person who gives two shits about my fastball or three point stance.
I recently got schooled by a teenage punk playing soccer in a Cambodian village. It brought back memories of me getting my ass handed to me by a 5 foot nothing Nepalese boy as the little shit soared over a volleyball net to spike it on me. I made a feeble attempt to dig it with one hand, but all it did was bend my thumb backwards, putting me out of commission for the rest of the game, adding insult to injury. These little rat bastards! I’d strike em out in 3 pitches!
And then there’s the band geek. We were both casually courting the same French chick at a bar in Malaysia. This guy was full on goober status and had no leg to stand on against me in this pursuit of the fairer sex. Then sure enough, as my luck would have it, the band announces that today, of all damn days, is open mic night and anybody can play any style of music they like with the instruments provided. He jumps right up and tears into some insane flamenco guitar that makes even me wet. I’m left sitting there waiting for the announcement that the long toss competition is coming up next. The announcement never comes. Maybe she would be impressed if I lay a perfect form tackle on a Spanish dude?
These are my words of wisdom and a little free advice. Soccer and volleyball are the two universal sports. Be good at them. More importantly, learn guitar. I’m left waiting until my travels bring me to Latin America so I can find someone that gives a damn about baseball, and if that day comes, hopefully they never find out my weakness of not being able to hit a left handed curve ball.
Bob
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