Radio Check

Radio check-

My last stop in India was McLeod Ganj, the home of the Dalai Lama, to attend the 4 day teaching at his temple. As advised, I went to the temple a few days early with a piece of cardboard to mark my spot. On it I had my name with the note “please practice your Dharma and don’t move me” (Dharma is the Buddhist path of righteousness). I had a good spot close to front and middle-ish. Clever note or not I gave it a coin toss chance on my cardboard still being there for the teaching. When I got there the first day my cardboard, along with my sweet spot, were things of the past. In their place were 3 old Tibetan ladies. I didn’t even bother. I got pretty lucky still and although not as close or centered, the spot I ended up securing was up against a wall which provided a rare and valuable backing. The teachings were spread over 4 days with 2 hour morning and 2 hour afternoon sessions. Theres no seats just cramped floor space, making for a potentially very uncomfortable 4 days. I soon became grateful for my new spot that I could lean back against. This spot did have 1 major drawback, monkeys. On the other side of the wall were some big trees that a few families of monkeys called home. Every once in a while they would remind our row that we were in enemy territory. A few times they would stand on the railing posturing, looking like they were about to attack. A woman got her hair pulled, they guy next to me was swiped at a few times and another guy down the line got part of his shirt torn. It was always easy to tell when they were back for us because our whole surrounding area would take notice and turn their heads to watch like a fight breaking out in the stands during a football game.

When His Holiness arrived there was reverence, but fervor. Everyone leaned over and tried to catch a glimpse as he made his way through the crowd. As he passed and made it to the alter everyone would prostrate themselves in submission. Holding their hands together first overhead, then to chin, then to chest, then fall to their knees and extend their arms out in front. This gets repeated three times. Seeing just about the entire crowd doing it I was reminded of how sacred a figure the Dalai Lama is to these people. A living God to Buddhists. The closest thing to a Christian would be Jesus Christ walking in the room.

The rare moment of being in the presence of a living God did not excuse people from their comically restless, and typical churchlike, behavior. People were nodding off everywhere. I saw a lady flick her husband underneath his nose to wake him and kids getting carried out by parents for throwing things and acting up. The funniest though was directly in front of me when, out if boredom, a monk (in his 50’s) played the ‘tap outside shoulder and look away game’ with a monk (in his 70’s). The poor older monk had no clue what was going on and was just looking around confused… I laughed. For me the difficulty of following the lesson was compounded dramatically by the language barrier. I knew in advance it would be in Tibetan and I was prepared with my shiny new FM radio to hear the translation. What I didn’t expect is for this to throw a massive wrench in the entire experience. I would WATCH the Dalai Lama speak charismatically in Tibetan, using hand gestures, stopping to laugh, slowing down to accentuate important points etc. This gets played over the loudspeakers. Then he would stop, and over the loudspeakers there would be a translation in the native Indian language of Hindi. While it was bring repeated in Hindi I would tune in to my radio and listen in English (there were also stations for Chinese, Japanese and Vietnamese). The translation in English was anything but fluid. There were more audible pauses (ummm, ahhh, ohhhh, uuuhh) than actual words. The words that did come out we’re poorly enunciated and lost all effectiveness of timing and delivery. Three times he stopped in the middle of a sentence to do a radio check “English translation 1-2-1-2, English translation 1-2-1-2″… You would hear someone whisper “I can hear you” and he’d scramble to find his place and continue. The whole time this already sketchy translation through my radio competed with the Hindi on the loud speakers. It was so hard to follow I had to close my eyes to focus on what was being said, which helped very little and just made me more tired. The only thing that really kept me awake was the fear of a monkey attack.

My favorite part was probably hanging with the elderly couple from Western Australia that I was sitting next to. Very cool (and very old) hippie Buddhist devotees who have seen the Dalai Lama speak dozens of times, dating back to the 70’s. The lady runs a website that relates Buddhist teachings to western philosophies and the guy is a retired computer programmer that used to work for Apple back in the day. He told me about his ambulance/camper conversion he lived in and drove around Europe, Middle East, Africa and Asia for 13 years with. He gave me the sweet quote “life’s to interesting to spend it working”. He was awesome!

It was great to be in the audience of such a well respected and passionately revered world figure as the Dalai Lama, but it wasn’t the enlightening experience I was hoping for. I don’t regret going to the teachings, but would trade in seeing him in his own temple, for hearing it in English. He regularly speaks all over the world and often tours the US (where he speaks English). It puts something on my to do list for when I get back.

Bob